


I would try so many ways to save you

by Akiko_kitsune



Category: Gintama
Genre: Chapter 679 coda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 21:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14434686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_kitsune/pseuds/Akiko_kitsune
Summary: Takasugi couldn't accept the fate that had met their beloved teacher, he decided to try again, to talk with him, at least to meet him once again.





	I would try so many ways to save you

**Author's Note:**

> Again fic inspired by music, this time: "Save you" by the Moxy; now every song I've come by is about those two, I swear.
> 
> English version wouldn't exist without Selyann - she's the most wonderful beta I've ever had the pleasure to work with.

"I’ve found you." A whisper delicate as a flutter of butterfly wings resounded through the cave. It was filled with happiness, relief.

Some stones fell down as if a frightened animal had kicked them while running away.

The man went deeper inside the cave. Slowly. Quietly. He didn't have to rush. He was finally where he’d wanted to get for the past twelve years.

Maybe that frightened being would kill him. It might even kill him several times if it sensed that one would no longer be enough. Who knows. He didn't really care. He’d wanted to die for the past twelve years. If it happened now, he couldn’t be happier.

He stopped. He didn't want to scare him any more. He’d been hurt too much already.

Instead, he started to talk – still in this soft, quiet voice. "They said I shouldn't even think about it. That 'it' had to be killed, no matter what it would be, in what form we would meet it... Is it that surprising that I can't do what they told me to?" His voice quavered and he bit his lip. He needed to calm down. His emotions could only make the situation worse. He returned to speaking in a steady, soft voice: "I understand your anger. Your pain. Your fear... There is no one here who wants to hurt you." His words met with silence, so he continued: "I know you don't trust me, but I also know that you remember me – that you know me." He moved a bit closer to where he’d noticed some movement. He could feel he was being watched. Good. He had something even more important to say. "Do you think that I could hurt you? That Takasugi Shinsuke, a student of Yoshida Shouyou, could hurt you?"

He didn't get any answers. Only silence and the feeling that someone was watching him. Maybe he’d decided not to talk again, just like when he’d refused to talk to Gintoki for a long time. Maybe he was afraid that his words would show who he was that time. And that if they didn't like the truth, they would kill him again.

Takasugi took another step. He heard movement. The being tried to step back, but it wasn't enough get out of Takasugi’s sight. He could finally get a closer look.

Shouyou...

The same eyes, the same features – anyone would be able to recognize him. He was a bit younger than the Shouyou he knew, but it only meant that he’d yet to fully regenerate.

It was really him. Takasugi had found him. He got to see him again. He was still alive...

His expression was dull, eyes staring at the intruder. His muscles were tensed, ready to run away. He might be neither Utsuro nor Shouyou, but it didn't matter. It was still him. 

"I'm not an opponent to you. I’ve discarded my sword, my hands are trembling... You could crush me whenever you wanted to. I'm not here to hurt you. Please..."

"You've changed," he spoke at last. That voice... "You’ve changed the most of all."

"Turns out I was the weakest. I let it change me."

"I'm also weak."

"You fought with yourself for centuries. I wouldn't call that weakness."

"I lost."

"So why am I still standing here?"

"It can change easily."

Takasugi grinned. "Then how about dying with me?"

Shouyou – Takasugi couldn't bring himself to call him anything else – backed off slightly. He was scared of dying just as much as he was of living.

"We just need to leave this planet."

"It won't work."

"Maybe you didn't try long enough. You were afraid of getting weaker. You were afraid of dying. This time around at least you won't be alone. I could go with you, whenever you want to. I don't have to eat or sleep anymore. We have all the time in the world."

"Why did you drink my blood? Why would you do that to yourself?"

Takasugi smirked. Shouyou could easily see that he wasn't in the best shape. He’d got killed two or three times, it was hard to say now. He’d lost some blood. He would often forget about food and sleep. Whatever. His body was somehow enduring it, so he kept moving forward. "I wanted to find you. I had to. I'm sorry I couldn't make it sooner."

"Why were you looking for me?"

"I couldn't live in a world where you’re not alive."

Shouyou stared at him, expressionless. He was no longer scared or angry. He was tired. Once again, his life wasn't in his hands. Once again, he had to wait for everything that held him to rot away. "Why did you bring me back?" Shouyou asked. "Gintoki promised he would seal my heart and make sure I wouldn't come back and hurt anyone again."

"And when was the last time your students have done what you asked them to?" He smiled briefly. "I wanted to see you again... I couldn't leave you behind, sealed and forgotten."

"I should be forgotten."

"No. Your crimes don’t define you. If only you could forgive yourself..."

His words couldn’t reach. If only he knew a certain way to save him from his suffering… But he wouldn't give up. He couldn't leave him as some piece of meat wrapped in sealing paper. He simply couldn't...

No matter. If his words could reach him, there was nothing left he could do. He didn't want to hurt him. In that case, he could only stay and watch over him to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone.

Takasugi sat down, keeping some distance between them. So much for 'not giving up'. Maybe he was tired of it all, too.

Maybe he’d screwed up. After all, he was a selfish brat – but who could ever stop him? At least he could see him again. Hear his voice. Talk to him.

He wanted to tell him one more thing. It might change nothing, but at least he would finally tell him. "I love you... Shouyou, Utsuro... every other name that’s described you, every form you’ve taken. I love you. I’ve loved you all along."

"Maybe because you didn't know me."

"They've told me countless times that I didn’t even know you. That might be right. However, when I was in a coma and the Tendoushuu wanted to kill me, they mobilized all their forces to get me. Yet you didn't show up. You never got close to me."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"Then maybe I do know you a little, after all." He smiled. He was feeling so good. He’d nearly forgotten how it felt to be next to Shouyou. He was getting lost in just looking at him. If he could spend eternity like this, it would be sheer bliss. "We don't have to go anywhere," he spoke again in a voice so soft he was almost certain he’d never used it before. "Just let me stay by your side."

Shouyou remained quiet. At least he wasn’t looking at him in that dull way anymore. Takasugi took it as his victory.

They were so close. Takasugi could reach out and touch him. He thought it might scare him, so he refrained from doing it. But the possibility alone made him smile a bit. He could wait. He had the whole eternity...

Shouyou shifted closer to him.

Takasugi's heart skipped a beat.

Shouyou spoke up, watching him closely: "I could never understand how you could look at me so attentively and never look away."

"Maybe it’s because I kept falling in love with everything I noticed about you." He smiled. He did love everything about this man. Every twisted, broken part, every weakness, every wound. He couldn't turn his eyes away from any of them. He just kept falling more and more in love. With every flaw, with every virtue.

Shouyou reached out his hand towards him. Takasugi closed his eye. Maybe he’d gone completely mad, but he’d never felt safer than when he was with Shouyou, than he was feeling now.

"You’ve suffered so much..." Shouyou touched his wounded eye.

"It's nothing." He leaned into the touch. "Everything is fine now. It’s fine." He moved closer. He thought it might scare Shouyou, but it didn't. He didn't back away nor move.

After so many years, it was weird to feel someone else's warmth.

And then he felt Shouyou embrace him.

It was too much.

Takasugi hugged him back with all the strength he had left.

He’d thought he had lost all his tears in the war. He’d been wrong. He had kept some for this moment – to finally cry from happiness.


End file.
